In December, Oscar buzz begins and the names of actors and movies likely to earn nods from the Academy start being bandied about the entertainment airwaves.
As I have already expressed in my Oscar Acceptance Speech post, I am an avid Academy Awards kind of gal and I have been working on my Oscar speech since I was 15, for an unbelievable project that will be written at an undetermined time to be released on an unspecified date. The Academy should just cut all the red tape and present me the Oscar right now.
Since the age of 15, I have also been watching the blunders previous winners have made during their acceptance speeches and as I always say, learn from the worst.
Winners have a mere 45 seconds to thank everyone and anyone who ever had anything to do with their winning the award and to share with the audience just what winning the coveted statuette means to them. Most fail miserably.
I think it might be fun to rehash some of the most famous FAILS from Oscar's past by handing out my own hardware to these "winners."
In the Most Obnoxious Time Sucker category, Julia Roberts is our winner. During her acceptance speech for Best Actress she referred to the Maestro as "stick man" when he had the unmitigated gall to do his job by having the music start when she was going over her allotted time. Who does Julia Roberts think she is, Erin Brockovich?
The award for Biggest Blubber-er goes to, and it will come as no surprise to anyone, Sally Field for her famous utterance that she will never be able to live down - "You like me, you really like me!" which really meant, "You do know that was me in The Flying Nun, right?"
In a completely new category where the award goes not to the winner but to the unrecognized spouse of said winner, Saddest Sad Eyes, goes to Chad Lowe who looked like he was three years old and lost in a shopping mall when then-wife, Hilary Swank, remembered to thank everyone for her award, up to and including her chiropodist... everyone...except Chad.
Maybe things would have been different if Hilary Swank was Kirstie Alley and she was married to Parker Stevenson and she had won an Emmy instead of an Oscar. In Kirstie's famous speech, she remembered to thank her husband for his particular endowment to the arts. (She literally thanked him for the "Big One"). Now I feel even worse for Chad :(
And lastly, the winner of If You're Going to Make a Political Statement Don't Ruin Someone Else's Career While You're Doing It, is Marlon Brando.
When Brando sent aspiring actress Maria Cruz (a.ka. Sacheen Littlefeather) on stage in full native costume to reject his Best Actor award to protest the depiction of Native Americans in the film industry, he forever relegated her to the very role he was trying to protest. Cruz was mutilated by the press, and she went on to play a bit part in the story of Marlon Brando's life and she never worked as an actress in that town again.
And in closing... (MUSIC BEGINS)...it seems my word count has gone over... (MUSIC SWELLS)... until next... (MUSIC DROWNS OUT WORDS)...
And the Oscar for "Best Cop-out Ending" goes to ME! Told you I had it in the bag!
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| The Academy Awards trophy. Credit: Wikimedia Commons. |
Recommended Reading: The Kid Stays In The Picture by Robert Evans
Recommended Listening: A Chorus Line
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