Death is very accepting and says yes to everyone and everything it can get its hands on. And yet, in the Western world, we treat death very shabbily. We hope if we ignore it, it will just go away.
This is evident in the euphemisms we choose to employ when discussing death. "He's passed on" and "He's in a far better place now," are two of the biggest misnomers that suggest when death comes a-knocking, we will be presented with the option to pass on dying.
KNOCK, KNOCK:
Mark: Who is it?
Death: I'd rather not say.
Mark: If that's you Death, I already told you I'm not interested.
Death: I've beefed up my offer...
DOOR OPENS A CRACK.
Mark: Oh ya, what are we talkin' about here?
Death: Continue living the miserable existence you have eeked for yourself... or...
AND HERE THE BAND STRIKES UP
You can choose to go to a far far better place..."
Mark: Hmmm... adding that second far to your offer does make dying more tempting. But no! I shall continue living if only for the sake of the children.
Nobody knows what to say to the grief-stricken, and to make things worse what is said, is usually spoken in whispers and nonsensical utterances.
My sister was so flummoxed at a funeral she attended that when she bumped into someone she hadn't seen in years who commented on how well she looked, she responded with a priestly air by saying, "And also with you."
I am not a hugger, even in the best of circumstances, but there was one particular funeral I attended where I felt compelled to follow social protocol and administer the grieving party a huge heartfelt condolence hug.
My target had her back to me and just when I took one step forward she turned around and I flung my arms wide open frantically whispering nonsensical utterances. At this point she spotted her friend, last name Plexman and began to head over to where Plexman was, leaving me hanging in mid-hug.
Something came over me (ego is a good word) and because she was still within reach, I dragged her back and encased her tightly in my arms, now gutturally uttering my sympathy.
The application of this ugly hold, which has come to be known as the full Plexman in our family, would have been better executed in a wrestling ring than at a funeral.
Finally, when your time does come and there is no denying that you have accepted death's offer, (perhaps as the result a full Plexman), it will become your duty to not look dead as you are finally laid to "rest."
After all this is the moment you've been waiting for all your life - you know, the life you decided to pass on.
Recommended Reading: How We Die - Sherwin B. Nuland (Caution - really , really depressing)
Recommended Viewing: Supernatural - because Sam and Dean managed to pass on Death on more than a bazillion occasions
Recommended Listening: Dust in the Wind - Kansas
This week's blog post is dedicated to my friend Patsy P who noticed it has been six weeks since my last post. She took me to task with this text: "What up, still no blog since March?" Thanks for noticing Patsy.
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