DEAR OPRAH

The following letter to Oprah was in response to a contest she was having called, "Wildest Dreams."

photo by Alan Light

It was inspired by Tina Turner's rise to stardom despite incredible odds. Oprah invited women from all walks of life to describe the obstacles they have overcome in order to achieve their wildest dreams. This is my letter:



Dear Oprah,

It has always been my wildest dream to write comedy for television. Actually, that's not entirely true. It has always been my wildest dream to be PAID to write comedy for television. I have had a moderate degree of success in this field, (Canadian expression meaning - to work for free for the love of one's craft).

In Canada, you can pay $500.00 to take a course in television comedy writing. In this course you will learn (after the cheque has cleared), that Canada does not have a television comedy industry; for this you must go to the States. To break into the American industry, it would help if you have first proven yourself in the Canadian television comedy industry.

Perhaps if I provided you with a list of traumatic experiences I have suffered while trying to achieve my dream, it will convince you to help me achieve it.
1. I have been writing comedy for an industry that doesn't exist.


I never heard from Oprah despite this and hundreds of other letters I sent her. I did eventually hear from one of her lawyers who used the phrase "cease and desist" which I guess meant the contest was over. 

Dear Oprah,
Thank you for letting me know the contest has ceased to exist; however, if I could just make you aware of one small fact...In Canada, you can pay $500 to take a course in television comedy writing...

 

Recommended listening (in case Oprah doesn't call): ELO Hold on Tight 

Recommended reading (in case Oprah does call): Vexatious Litigants and Civil Restraint Orders: A Practitioner's Handbook

Recommended Viewing: SCTV (Canadian episodes - because they still managed to get it right even without an industry)