HARPER AND ME AND THE MAN IN THE MIRROR

Before I settled on my present occupation, I toyed with the idea of entering the non-traditional workforce.  I signed up for a course at a trades centre for women.  I quickly began to realize that my definition of non-traditional varied somewhat from the other participants in the course.

When we were asked what our career objectives were, they confidently threw out professions like heavy duty mechanic, fork lift operator, and longshoreman.  I said, "I'd just like to do some crafts."

After a few disapproving glances were cast my way I added, "I am willing to use a glue gun."

Non-traditional lingo is also very different from everyday girl talk.  It was difficult enough to distinguish my vernier calipers from my micrometers, but when it came to fine, coarse, and bastard files, I was completely lost.  So lost that I demanded the woman at the make-up counter get me a nail file and I added, "Make sure it's a bastard, bitch." 

I finally accepted that my non-traditional career was over when I discovered that flash-dancing wasn't an actual profession.

Which led me to my next attempt to secure employment.  I applied for the job as the "Man in the Mirror." Unfortunately, I didn't seem to possess any of the necessary qualifications.

1. Must be a man
2. Must be willing to relocate
3. Must see things in one dimension
4. Must be able to rhyme couplets when delivering bad news
5. Must be cold and heartless

Apparently Stephen Harper just missed out on this position due to his poor rhyming skills.

So, of all the jobs I've had or will have, I know one thing for sure - I'd really like to bump into Stephen Harper at the make-up counter.